We can control how we communicate in conflict, but as
leaders, a lot of people will want to communicate their
conflict to us. We can’t control what and how others share
their opinions with us, but we can control what we do with
what they say.
Leaders can’t listen to everyone!
I’ve often heard leaders say treat criticism like chewing gum, take it in, chew on it and then
spit it out. The problem is that with as many venues as we have today for communication,
well, following this advice is bad because...THAT’S A BIG FREAKIN PIECE OF GUM, and no
one can chew that much!
However, we’ve GOT to listen to others because Scripture clearly commands us to!
Timothy listened to Paul.
David listened to Nathan.
Everyone who has ever accomplished anything significant didn’t do it through their own
brilliance; they had people in their lives who could speak truth.
So...who do you listen to?
My advice? WISE people!!
“Well, who are the wise people,” you ask? GREAT QUESTION!!! Because there are a lot of
people out there (especially in internet world) who believe they are wise.
But, let me give you a list of nine things I really believe a person should have if you are going
to listen to them.
Their “wisdom” should be:
1. Pure
They have no ulterior motives, you know that they love Jesus, and they want what is best for
God’s Kingdom!
2. Peace Loving
If they are always looking for a fight or trying to pick one, avoid them (see Titus 3:10).
3. Considerate
Always listen to the person whose first reaction is to give you the benefit of the doubt rather
than accusing you (See 1 Corinthians 13:4-7).
4. Submissive
Is their wisdom offered because they want you to be more submissive to the Lord or to their
opinion?
5. Full of Mercy NOT Accusation and Condemnation
Please understand that there is a huge difference between correction, which we all need,
and condemnation! Correction is always offered in love. Condemnation is offered out of the
other person’s desire to just hear you say, “You are right” and/or out of a desire to attack.
6. Bearing Good Fruit
What is the REASON you should listen to them? In other words, what is the fruit in their lives
and in their ministry?
7. Impartial
Once again, they are NOT trying to get you to submit to their agenda but rather the Lord’s!
8. Sincere
They are talking to you because they seriously love Jesus, love you, and really do want the
best for your life!
9. A Peacemaker Not a Fight Starter
If they always hate, always attack, and always tear down, ignore them! (See 2 Timothy
2:23-26 and 1 John 2:9-11.)
See James 3:17-18 for the source that allowed me to write this list.
We’ve reflected on our personal leadership and our team’s
leadership. And we’ve focused on how to handle conflict and
communicate well. Let’s turn our attention to how to lead
through obstacles and opportunities for growth.